About ilona

I came to strength training through a deep desire to feel at home in my body. What I didn't know at the time was that this was the first primordial step in my gender transition.

I started out chasing size - wanting to take up more space and feel powerful. Bodybuilding and strength training became tools for shaping how I moved through the world. My physicality changed; I began walking differently, standing more upright, and my own strength surprised me.

The deeper I got, the more I found strength wasn't about appearance; it was about authorship, perception, and the ability to be joyfully present in my own body. 

I also began to notice how time in the gym changed everything outside of it. With physical strength came energy, focus, and a calm that helped regulate my anxiety. Training became a ritual, a way to strengthen not just my body, but my mind, my gut, my inner world.

We don't just need strong bodies - we need grounded nervous systems, stable bellies, and minds that know how to rest.

Early on, I didn't know my body very well and overcompensated by mimicking what I saw big men do at the gym. This led to long-term shoulder issues from lifting with poor form in ways that weren't right for me. Physical therapy helped, but so did learning how to listen to my body, lift smarter, and build the kind of resilience that sticks. I still strain my shoulders, but I keep strengthening them. That's what training is: a practice, not perfection.

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